50 Shades of Grey: Why It's Terrible

So unless you live under a rock, you probably know that 50 Shades of Grey is a big deal right now seeing as the movie is about to come out. Everyone else is writing about it because it's quite controversial so I figured I would too.

*Disclaimer: I have not read any of the books nor do I plan to and I won't be watching the movie. If you feel this disqualifies me from having an opinion, then so be it. But despite not actually having read them, I do know about them and the story contained within its pages. I am not writing this full of ignorance. I will only write about those aspects of the story I know to be true. Do with that what you will. 

I have to admit, I know very little about the author of the books, E.L James. I've seen her do a couple of interviews and know that she was inspired to write the 50 Shades of Grey books after reading Twilight by Stephanie Meyer.....that in itself is a warning sign to me not to read 50 Shades of Grey (I will most likely do a post about my feelings for Twilight later). 

But the next thing that makes me not want to read it is the synopsis:
When literature student Anastasia Steele goes to interview young entrepreneur Christian Grey, she encounters a man who is beautiful, brilliant, and intimidating. The unworldly, innocent Ana is startled to realize she wants this man and, despite his enigmatic reserve, finds she is desperate to get close to him. Unable to resist Ana’s quiet beauty, wit, and independent spirit, Grey admits he wants her, too—but on his own terms.

Shocked yet thrilled by Grey’s singular erotic tastes, Ana hesitates. For all the trappings of success—his multinational businesses, his vast wealth, his loving family—Grey is a man tormented by demons and consumed by the need to control. When the couple embarks on a daring, passionately physical affair, Ana discovers Christian Grey’s secrets and explores her own dark desires.
(taken from Goodreads)

To me, that doesn't really sound like porn, just something I'm personally not interested in reading. But the more I learned about it, the more I started thinking: why is anyone reading this?  Because the truth is, it's not just porn as so many have deemed it. Sure, there is tons of porn in it, but this book is not just porn. It is much, much worse than porn.

There are a million reasons not to waste your time and money with this piece of garbage and no reasons I can see to actually pick it up and read it. 

For starters, it's just bad literature. It's poorly written. Here are some of the actual lines from the book:

"And from a very tiny, underused part of my brain - probably located at the base of my medulla oblongata near where my subconscious dwells - comes the thought: He's here to see you."

"The orange juice tastes divine. It's thirst-quenching and refreshing."

"My very small inner goddess sways in a gentle victorious samba."

"I had no idea giving pleasure could be such a turn-on, watching him writhe subtly with carnal longing. My inner goddess is doing the merengue with some salsa moves."

"Now I know what all the fuss is about. Two orgasms… coming apart at the seams, like the spin cycle on a washing machine, wow."

"I'm all deer/headlights, moth/flame, bird/snake … and he knows exactly what he's doing to me."

"He's my very own Christian Grey popsicle.'

I don't know about you, but I think these lines are absolutely ridiculous. Completely pathetic. She certainly chooses to use some interesting metaphors and similes to describe certain things. And, really, it just looks like a thesaurus threw up. And this is only a small sampling from a book filled with such lines. These are lines from a bestselling novel. It's amazing what passes for a good book these days. People will read absolutely anything. It's disgusting. But, unfortunately, the crappy writing is the least of the book's problems.

The biggest problem is this piece of filth is a story of abuse and degradation disguised as a love story and people are falling for it.

Christian Grey is exactly the kind of person you do not want to be caught in relationship with, and yet is portrayed as the ideal man. 

1. He's a possessive stalker
So the jerk thinks he owns Ana before they are even in a relationship. If this doesn't send up red flags I don't know what does. Nobody cares to mention that he doesn't own her and never will, even in a relationship. He gets mad if she merely speaks to a man that is not him. He tries to control her schedule and when she can and can't see her mother. He tracks her phone, knows where she lives (and Ana isn't sure how he knows this), and shows up at her workplace. She called him from a bar when she was drunk and told him she didn't want to go home and wouldn't share her location. So he did what anyone would do: tracked her phone and came and got her anyway. They are not a couple at this point, nor have they begun their physical relationship. At this point, he is just a creepy stalker.
Later, he actually has the nerve to say to her, "If you were mine, you wouldn't be able to sit down for a week after the stunt you pulled yesterday" (the "stunt" being drinking with her friends). And let me just say that at this point in the story, there has been no talk of BDSM. Nope. He is just threatening to hit her but apparently we are all going to ignore that. I cannot emphasize enough that this stuff is not romantic. It's abusive.

2. He doesn't care about Ana's mental/physical well-being

Ana is a virgin when this story begins. And apparently she is quite naive about sex. Christian Grey doesn't care. He proceeds to have sex with her without preparing her for what is about to happen, without fully explaining what they are about to do and you can bet if she is pretty ignorant of sex, she is even less clueless about BDSM. But he doesn't care. He takes her virginity without a second thought, though she is crying out and it's clearly too rough for her. If he was even a little bit decent, he would care that this was her first time but he's not so he doesn't. He doesn't respect her wishes. If she mentions anything she wants, he dismisses it and makes sure his desires are being met instead. She doesn't want to leave the room? Too bad. Christian does and even if they don't he's going to make advances on her anyway when she clearly doesn't want them. The point is, he will do whatever he wants to Ana whenever, wherever he wants and Ana's feelings and desires couldn't matter less to him. It's all about Christian. He doesn't love her. He loves sex.

3. Rape
Unless you are lying to yourself, you have to admit that Christian rapes Ana. It's just a fact. However you try to slice it, the bottom line is that if your partner says no, they don't want to have sex, and you force it upon them anyway, it's rape. They have a safe word, but that's pretty pointless in this story because Grey ignores it. Which makes it rape. There are literally times she says to him, "No. Please no. I can't do this right now." And does he stop like anyone who is not a rapist would? No. He ignores her and continues because it's what he wants. Try to justify it all you want but the fact of the matter is if someone tells you no, in any way shape or form, if you are aware they don't want to have sex, and you have it with them anyway, you are raping them. I'm talking to you Christian. Even if you believe they want it and just don't know it, it doesn't matter. If they tell you no, that makes it rape. No loopholes here. Some people say "no, it's consensual because there's a contract." And apparently there is. Somewhere near the beginning of their physical relationship, Christian has Ana sign a contract which he says means that he won't do anything to her that she doesn't want. BUT IF YOU IGNORE THE CONTRACT IT'S RAPE. Especially if she verbally says, "no, I can't do this right now" and you do it anyway. How are we okay with this?

4. He's a jerk, plain and simple
I really have a problem with Christian Grey's character being romanticized because even without all the above stuff, he's just a jerk. The way he treats Ana is controlling and unfair. He doesn't see her as a human being, he sees her as an object that he owns.  He legit beat her in  non-BDSM way, meaning it was just violence and blamed her for not using the safe word and she admits she forgot it in the midst of the violent beating, that means she can't be trusted. Are you kidding me? She broke up with after this beating and then he bought the company she worked for so he could "protect her." He bought the company his ex-girlfriend worked for. He picks her up and lifts her over his shoulder in public when she refused to go with him. This girl has zero choices about anything. He arranges for her birth control without talking to her. What kind of jerk does that?

I could go on and on about Christian and how he's an abusive, possessive stalker, but I think it's been made pretty clear.

The one good thing about all of this is I don't really care what's happening to either of these characters because they aren't real. This is a work of fiction and none of it actually happened. It's a crappy work of fiction that glorifies abuse, but it is fiction nonetheless. The problem is that people are  reading this work that misrepresents BDSM and normalizes stalking and abusive relationships. Some are even using it as a sex guide. Something is very wrong with that and that's why I'm writing about it. To have this horrible, horrible, book be so influential that women are looking for a Christian Grey of their own and taking it as a guide is a big, big, problem. To makes things worse, the movie is being released on Valentine's Day. What is wrong with the world? This is not a romantic film!!!! This is a film about a girl stuck in an abusive relationship with a guy that is obsessed with sex and doesn't give a crap about her. It's disgusting!!! Why are we trying to tell people this is a romantic relationship that we should strive for?

I watched an interview with E.L. James and the interviewer mentioned that there was a lot of sex in the book. James thought for a moment and then responded, "well, it's a love story. Isn't that what people do when they're in love?" Oh. My. Gosh. Disgusting. It's clearly not a love story and it's even worse that the author is calling it one. She obviously has no clue what love is or means because apparently, in her mind, being in love = sex. And I guess it means abusive sex to her. She is wrong on so many levels! Sex doesn't equal love. It's not "what people do" when they are in love. Gosh. Sex is supposed to be an act of love, but, unfortunately, it's not always and it's definitely not an act of love in these books. Stop calling it love. There is zero love between the characters in this book. It's porn is what it is. 

If you look around online, you can find reason after reason not to read these book, but it's much harder to find reasons why you should. I saw a list of reasons why you should read it and not one of them was about the book. It was basically saying you should read it so you can understand society's obsession with it. Read it so you can understand the parodies and why grey tie sales have gone up. Those are literally the worst reasons I have ever heard for reading a book. Not even people who want you to read can give you any reasons why. They also suggested you read it to get some new ideas for the bedroom. BUT THAT IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDN'T READ IT!!! It's misleading about BDSM and you don't want to try those things. No, no, no! If you read it, do not try out the methods they use. It's fiction, not a sex guide and it's really important you don't use it as one.

I really hope people will take off their blindfolds and see this story for what it really is. I mean it's so bad, no one really even needs to read it. Your money is better spent elsewhere. Like donating to help women who lived this kind of relationship instead of reading a book that convinces women that being abused is a wonderful thing.

 

 

 

Sources:

http://www.snarksquad.com/2013/04/the-seven-worst-christian-grey-moments-in-fifty-shades-darker.html

https://50shadesofabuse.wordpress.com/

http://theramblingcurl.blogspot.com/2014/02/fifty-abusive-moments-in-fifty-shades.html